Crazy crazy world

Honestly, you couldn't make it up.

If, say 15 years ago, you were told that the UK would elect a Tory government despite more than 50% of the country being pissed off with poverty and misery, and would also vote to come out of the EU based on a mixture of feelings, misplaced patriotism and idiocy and then we might witness the election of a President of the USA who, frankly, is crazier than batshit daiquiris, you'd probably think I was describing a new Armando Iannucci political comedy, because I'd think all of that and I'm a) writing this and b) living it too.

We live in a Post-fact, post-expert, post-logical world where people simply don't give a fuck about facts - especially those who voted for Leave. Experts are just there to scare us. Logic is there to confuse us and Facts are there to be ignored and derided because Feelings and Pride are far more important to the future of everyone.

The problem is we're talking about a majority of people now. You know and I know that it isn't really a true majority, but it's big enough and ugly enough to dictate the country's rhetoric. The sad truth is a large percentage of the 52% voted as a protest to the shit they've been suffering for years without really understanding that the referendum had nothing to do with what has been happening to them and no one made a big enough issue out of the fact that it was the EU that stopped the worst off and most disenfranchised among us from being marginalised even more. If you weighed up the difference between what Westminster and Brussels has given to the people of South Wales you would have thought they would have voted 99% to remain, instead of 61% of them opting for the exit button. What's worse is these people think that our government is going to save them... That's how stupid people are now. 

There are people in Sunderland facing economic oblivion as their largest employer scales back and considers moving elsewhere who actually feel happy and proud that they've helped precipitate their own downfall. I'm amazed Cameron quit; the referendum gave a warped legitimacy to everything him and Gideon were doing; the fact that Treeza May is actually attempting to reverse some of their less humane achievements almost smacks of the same level of crazy.

I loved a short statement made by *Yasmin Ali - "Tonight I went to a Tory Party meeting on Brexit. More specifically, I went to a Tory meeting on what happens after Brexit to bring the nation together again.   So what did I learn? If I distil it down, it is that they have no idea. No idea how to leave the EU. No idea what happens now. All they know is that they are so loved up with their vote that all these tedious questions are nothing but Party pooping nonsense."

Doesn't this just about sum up the feeling of the Brexiteers across the country? The same people who claim quite self-righteously that if they'd lost they wouldn't be making such a big issue about it... Yeah, right and if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle...

It isn't just us; there's this Rodrigo Duterte fellow in the Philippines who is basically advocating and promoting a criminal-cleansing spree, allowing his citizens to kill anyone they suspect is a drug dealer or taker or friend of either. The weird thing about Duterte is despite caterwauls of horror and disgust from the rest of the world, he's a bloody popular bloodthirsty tyrant among his own people - the right wing/Libertarian supporting Philippinos think 'Digong' is top banana and his popularity has grown as the graves of the criminals have filled up.

Hungary has been trying to out-Farage Nigel by having a referendum that I'm still not entirely sure about. I could check this but that takes the fun out of it, but apparently they've just had a referendum to reject the EU's migrant policy, which kind of doesn't make any sense because as part of the EU they've already caused ructions by putting a bloody great fence around their country and restricting movement (you know, the thing 52% of our population would get massive erections about if offered the chance). The fact that not enough Hungarians actually voted to make it officially recognisable is, hopefully, a testament to nice Hungarians, because, according to my Romanian neighbour, 'Most peoples from Hungaria are shit.'

I'm sure Hillary Clinton isn't all the things she's being accused of, because if she is then the USA has finally succumbed to Total Dumb by having two unbelievably crooked and dislikable people vying for the job of Chief Button Pusher. I know it's more about how much money you can throw at it than politics, but if the USA wants to be treated with the respect it deserves it should really take a good hard long look at itself. Sometimes the idea of the Yellowstone Caldera Extinction Event seems like a damned fine idea.

Oh and while this isn't strictly politics, you have to wonder what kind of world we're now living in if fear, scaremongering and worst case scenarios are touted as news... At least four tabloids in the last week have picked up on the 'Britain is headed for an apocalyptic winter' news story. This incredible prophecy of doom first appeared in the Daily Express - the paper that essentially talks about three things: the weather, Princess Diana and the evil Labour party. The Express actually just rehashed a story written last October, with a slight edit to suggest they were a hair's width from being totally right about saying 2015 would be the worst winter since the opening sequence of The Empire Strikes Back. The truth was last winter was one of the mildest on record. The Express would have been more accurate had they said 'Pretty bog standard winter with some cold days and some mild days, lots of wind and a cold spring', because this is essentially what six of the last 10 years have been. Of the other four we had two colder than average winters and two warmer than average winters and warm springs (both of these years my apricot tree fruited).

The thing is as the Met Office says on a regular basis - anything over a week and you get into chaos theory and frankly you can only base long range forecasts on trends and computer models, therefore the Met Office has said what I said in the paragraph above - 2016/17: an average winter with colder spells and milder ones. Yet this is the sixth time in seven years the Express has told us we're all going to freeze to death.

Why?

What does scaring the shit out of Brexit-voting pensioners achieve? Do governments just say to newspapers that parts of the economy need stimulating so make up some shite that'll get pensioners in Bournemouth bulk buying bog paper from the local Asda, or is that just a crazy conspiracy theory too far?

* Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (left-ish UK Muslim journalist)

The Last Word

Worst Case Scenario

The country decides to leave the European Union. What could happen?

The stock market could crash and there could be a massive run on Sterling, devaluing Britain by as much as £40billion over night.

This will spark an emergency budget to put safeguards in place should the arse fall out of the economy.

David Cameron - growing increasingly unpopular - resigns and triggers a leadership battle in the Conservatives, where those in favour of Leave become the leading contenders, people with an extreme right-wing leaning and who have publicly stated that the cuts to public services are not deep enough and are unlikely to channel whatever piddly amount is saved from leaving into those services and the excuse will be the fall in stock and the fiscal effect on leaving.

Not a lot else will happen during the first two years as our government attempts to negotiate trade deals and discovers that it cannot accept any existing deal without allowing the freedom of movement - just ask Norway or Switzerland. Except, some things will happen, socially.

As one political reporter (Norman Smith) said, 'Whatever happens it will change the face of the UK'. He knows, as do many others, that the extreme examples of xenophobia exhibited throughout the campaign will spill out onto the streets, probably whatever the result. The referendum has allowed prejudices to be almost acceptable, as like-minded people congregate to castigate and show extreme opinions that align them with some of the worst terrorists and this will affect foreign migrants in this country, who will be stuck in a limbo, not knowing what the immediate future holds for them.

The scary thing is if intimidation begins (continues) and starts to drive EU migrants (and others) out of the country, there is an idiot minority who will view this as a victory and once it starts 'reclaiming the country' will become something that the far right will begin to practice, because if we vote to leave then the lunatics will really be in control of the asylum. You might not care about the economy (you really should) or bureaucracy (there's probably more of it in UK law than in the EU) or even the migrant issue (depending on who you believe it's either the big issue or not really a concern), you might just feel it seems the right thing to do.

That hangnail - you know if you bite at it you'll end up making your finger bleed and sore for a few days. You know that pulling at it is the stupid thing to do, but you do it anyhow and you'll probably do it again. This isn't a hangnail, this is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. This isn't a frivolous thing; this isn't about getting one over the government, or screwing David Cameron, this is self-harm. Ask yourself this: the UK might be a better place out - that fairy tale might come true and Boris & co., will be right. It might not change much at all and you might shrug your shoulders and say 'Meh', or... it might be costing you your job, your children's jobs and futures, your pockets and purses, your civil liberties and you might wonder what the hell has happened and who can you blame for it?

If you vote Remain and nothing changes will it be that bad? But just think, for a second, put those feelings to one side and think about the future, what if it all turns to shit? What if your house devalues by 35%? What if your pension disappears either through lack of money or a corporate raider like Philip Green? What if there are no jobs, no money sloshing around the economy, no cheap goods - what if you can no longer buy what you want or at the right price? People don't want second best, but they sometimes have to accept it - but it tends to be their choice; if you never have the first choice any more and pay more for what you have to have, is that better than it is now? Do you really really want some kind of mythical independence if it is going to cost your kids their future? Can you truly live with yourself if you are one of the people responsible for the isolation and bankruptcy of our great nation?

Vote Remain.

The Death of the Conservatives

Someone I know made an astute comment in response to a political argument. It was that the Conservative government voted to accept the last George Osborne budget (despite the fallout, the resignations and the almost-rebellion), it sailed through parliament and yet now nearly half of them are calling Gideon O, amongst other things, an incompetent charlatan. If we can draw any conclusions about this EU referendum it is quite clear - there is massive division in the Tory party, one that has existed for years simmering away in the background, but now has come to a angry and pus-filled head.

I've said before that the left's worst enemy is its ability to fracture and split into factions, thus ultimately diluting their vote; while the Tories disagree with each other over the same amount of things, but money keeps them united and I really don't mean that in a nasty way; political parties need unity and a strong bond to keep them together - Labour should have social justice at its core; the Tories should have money, it's why people, misguidedly, trust them with the economy and why a lot of people vote for them; people think they will be better off under a Tory government and are more likely to trust them if measures such as austerity happen. They are, after all, the elite of British society and are moneyed people.

Take the EU referendum as a yardstick: half the Tory party are calling the other half liars and vice versa; both of them know pretty much the real cost of leaving the EU - they're in government and have access to every expert, bit of data and economic forecast imaginable; so one of them is deliberately lying, or both of them are, but one thing is certain, both of them are not telling the truth.

So how can you trust them to run your country whether we're in the EU or not?

Forget what you're voting for, who you're voting against and whatever flimsy or concrete reason you have for not voting, the noisy backbench Tories, the ones there to keep schtum and nod and patronise and vote for whatever they're told to are now getting noisier and Cameron's future is being called into question (and, honestly, if I could forecast this 6 months ago, just how politically astute are our media's political reporters?) and this is a man who led them to their first majority government since 1992. We all know politicians, in general, are self-serving bastards where principles are no longer a pre-requisite for the job, but look at it at the moment: Tory eating Tory over Europe; never-say-die Blairites constantly stirring up unhelpful background noise for Jeremy Corbyn; the press which is so right wing that it'll pursue any agenda that it thinks will keep readers happy; there are even rumblings in Scotland that the SNP are facing a tough time because they are having to implement a Scots-lite version of austerity, because they're overspending (which I also find amazing didn't make it into English papers in any great way).

Unity in politics no longer exists.

Let me really generalise and give you a silly, but relevant, example: when I were a lad there was maybe seven or eight genres of music; soul, rock, c&w, pop, classical, jazz and folk - there were subdivisions of these, but they were grouped under one label. Forty years later there are maybe the same amount of 'genres' but the music that exists within them is far more diverse and unusual than you could have imagined; some of those sub-genres are extremely popular and might even be, at a certain point, more popular than the genre they exist under, while others mix and match, mash-up and flirt and could be labelled many rather than one. This is politics now - different versions of the original ideology existing under an umbrella that isn't big enough to contain them.

The man in charge of the Commons, John Bercow, MP for Buckingham is regarded by some (in his own Tory party) to be more left of centre than a third of all Labour MPs. I've heard apocryphal stories that he was put forward for the Speaker's job because the Tory party didn't like their own version of Dennis Skinner speaking his mind rather than the party line. Michael Gove used to be a shop steward for the NUT and is now considered to be on the hard right of the party (hard right in my language equates to 'scary').

There is apparently this kind of division within the Tory party: Pro Europe 15%, Ambivalent Europe 35% and Anti-Europe 50% - this is a fundamental schism within the party because whatever the outcome of the referendum there could be 50% of a 'united' party in total disagreement with the other, still.

Just to balance this out, even without the media, old New Labour still finds a way, almost weekly, to stick the knife into current Labour, with the vile and dislikeable Tony Blair seemingly believing someone in the country gives a hoot what he thinks any more. It pains me to know that arguably the most successful Labour PM since Atlee is also as responsible for some of the nastiest, most corrupt and neo-Conservative decisions since Margaret Thatcher.

It's becoming obvious to those that notice - politicians like each other about as much as we like them.

Let's also get one thing very straight and clear - voter apathy is a boon in our current first-past-the-post voting system; the more you think governments do nothing for you the more likely you are to stay at home and watch Corrie. We can be governed by a party, which will claim to have 'the mandate of the people' despite only getting 32% of the vote share from a total turn out of 58% - my maths isn't brilliant, but that's something like 16 million out of 46 million eligible voters giving that mandate.

Think about that for a bit. My figures do stack up.

Two-thirds of the country hate politics. Our politicians disagree on more than they agree on. No one is right, no one is wrong. One thing is becoming obvious - we should elect officials to represent the good of the ENTIRE country, not the interests of their political party, personal wealth or to help their mates. The problem there is if you're one of those rare things, a politician with ethics and principles, you become a target for the right and they're only really supported by about a third of the country and you see my tail fast disappearing down my own throat?

It's Not A Party Politics Thing (Much)

As hard as I try I cannot separate the EU referendum from a specific party's politics, therefore I can only draw the conclusion that if you don't take party politics as a given in this you are allowing the future of this nation(s) to be severely jeopardised.

To view the EU debate as an alien you would not think that the most vehement on both sides of the argument are not in the same political party, especially now the Brexiteers are targeting the Chancellor as [reading between the lines] incompetent; yet they vote for his budget and his policies and then criticise them as part of another enclave within the same party. It's a weird juxtaposition of 'you're with us or you're against us, but we're all in it together'.

Lose and leave and Cameron's position should be untenable; in fact the odds are the entire cabinet of Remainers will eventually fall by the way in favour of people who will fight to see someone else lead the Tories. Narrowly win and his position is severely weakened and the Brexiteers, like the SNP, will still have a rag to cling onto and a threat to stability in the future. Even a massive win for Remain places Cameron in a position where he has to attempt to unify a party that's deep divisions are on show every day and, if we had a more balanced press, would be scrutinised more.

The question now isn't In or Out, it's what happens afterwards?

I believe that a Tory coup would be inevitable in two of the three scenarios I offered and that will probably lead to a unification by means of a new leader, chancellor, home and foreign secretaries and a far more hard-hitting belt-tightening than half the population could possibly imagine. The excuse will be 'we're on our own now, we have to watch the pennies' and more cuts, less services, higher prices and less wages will make most but the most hard-nosed racists wonder what the hell they've done. The right wing of the Tory party wants more savage cuts, more targeting of the poor and disenfranchised and with their 'mandate' they can swap the top dogs around and attack the parts left untouched with gusto. The people who want us out want the government to be harder, more rigid and divisive towards the disenfranchised; it has been the second biggest argument after the EU, welfare and how to abolish it.

Voting out, gives the hard right a way to move in and yes, they might screw up so royally they get voted out in 2020, but whoever comes in, whether it's Labour, or Labour in a coalition, there is going to be nothing they can do to reverse changes without bankrupting the country and there won't be an EU to regulate the things we don't think about but affect us - positively - every day. We can't just go back in 2020 and ask to be let back in and even if we could, I'll ask the same question I'm asking if we come out now - how will it be cheaper for us? If we fail on our own, we're on our own and the rich will look after themselves first and foremost, regardless of the detriment to the rest.

People are saying, "I can't vote for Cameron because he's the enemy." Boris Johnson or Michael Gove aren't? Nigel Farage says nothing and appeals to aged racists, bigots and xenophobes and yet he's been living off MEP money and stymieing every directive, whether it's in our interests or not and probably making more out of Europe than he will being Out of it. Plus, if you're saying you can't vote with Cameron and Osborne then you are making it about party politics and you have to remember you're saying you're not voting for a Staffie and a Dobermann, but you'd gladly vote for a Pit Bull and a Rottweiller.

A protest vote this time could seriously damage the country. You will not be protesting about the government, you'll be giving the right wing of the government permission to change the face of Conservatism and that could have dire consequences for everyone. I don't like the idea of saving Dave's bacon any more than other people, but it's a bit like the EU referendum: you know what you've got at the moment, to wish for something else might just come back and bite you on the arse.

Conspiracy Theories

"As Naomi Klein documents in The Shock Doctrine, neoliberal theorists advocated the use of crises to impose unpopular policies while people were distracted" From a George Monbiot column in The Guardian.

Ask yourself this: when a government releases information about plans or policy changes, buried beneath some major news story dominating the headlines and reducing other news to minor status - is that any different than a conspiracy theory turned inside out?

We are currently living in an era of fear and because fear is all around is we allow things we would normally question without hesitation to ensure that fear doesn't get us, personally. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrived ages ago given the amount of Famine, Pestilence, War and Death (disguised as Poverty) we get subjected to on a weekly basis. Since 2001, it's like the news has to be like a Die Hard film or people will switch off. Sometimes life almost seems to be orchestrated and not by some omnipotent god, but probably some multi-billionaire with media interests and a cold dead heart.

Sometimes the world seems a little like a massive soap opera and at other times like the lunatics have been running the asylum, for a while. The concept of the 'conspiracy theory' has always been more attractive when the world is more crisis prone and, of course, in the 21st century even having a conspiracy theory is either madness or, if you have any evidence, not really a conspiracy theory at all. Some conspiracy theories are quite benign and highly plausible, others are as desperate as a 1996 post-match Kevin Keegan interview; most depend on a chain of information, a string of people and an unfathomable amount of probability that, if it's true then, someone will at some point talk. The biggest problem with a conspiracy theory is the longer it exists without a whistleblower or someone to throw something to give it credence, the more likely it's not going to have anything more than a grain of truth - if that. Wishful thinking mixed with the need for plausible (even if implausible) answers.

However, how about something that on the surface seems unlikely, doesn't have a big chain of potentially loose-lipped co-conspirators, but could ultimately reap the goal that is desired. Confused? Good.

I want you, if you can be bothered or even remember, to cast your mind back to when David Cameron was 'negotiating' the deal with the EU that he was going to use as the main reason for us staying in the EU, when he calls the much-heralded referendum. The man looked destroyed and beaten; like a leader who had lost. He hasn't looked even remotely in control of things since then and while he comes across business-as-usual in PMQs, he's uncertain and a bit dithering when confronted with unscripted questions and situations. He's also been the target of some interesting attacks, which have led to even more interesting public solidarity scenes within the Tory party which, behind closed doors, appears to be tearing itself apart.

Then look at George Osborne and how his star has descended like it was actually a housebrick. Look how he has gone from Dave's logical successor to being almost toxic. Now Theresa May is under scrutiny and even if Nick Clegg's allegations come to nothing; that's another one of Team Cameron who is seeing leadership chances dwindle.

How better to ruin the Remain vote than show those in favour of it on the ropes? But that's just a wee bit too obvious and quite see-through. It could, however, be made to look like this because there has to be a post mortem. I've said for years that Tories play the long game and in this instance maybe a strong faction within the party is playing that game, one that looks beyond the increasingly unpopular leader team?

The reason I mentioned Cameron's late night negotiations is because he went into that meeting asking for not a lot and he was given next to nothing. One of the leading nations in the EU and he couldn't change it how his party wanted it - which was essentially to opt out of anything we didn't agree 100% with - and that meant things were going to go badly wrong for him. You see (and this is the only part of this theory I'm in two minds about), I think Dave's election win was a bit unexpected for the party. I think, as did many others, it was going to be a hung parliament and they would be the party to form another coalition. It would also trigger a leadership contest and it would give the party the opportunity to either big up Boris or find go the other way and find someone less charismatic, but more pragmatic for the coalition to come. Contrary to some popular conspiracy theories, the voters occasionally surprise people. There are some who believe the Tories weren't really prepared for power in 1992, despite having been in for 13 previous years. John Major was not seen as a valiant and fearless leader and almost from the beginning of that government's reign it was plagued by scandals that Thatcher's team would have shrugged off. Parallels have been drawn.

Dave is elected and makes his own plans to go leaving his own legacy in the shape of Osborne or May, but this isn't fast enough for the party or even what it really wants. Things are not going as planned and something has to be done. Except, the only wrinkle in this is an unexpected opportunity and that is the EU referendum. The Tory Party - not necessarily all their MPs and members, but the Party is probably anti-EU. It throws up too many obstacles to prevent them from having the country they believe we should have and while many are pro-EU, the old school have a very narrow view of it, possibly skewered by a sense of empire or entitlement - we are British after all. What if the current government don't care what way you vote? Vote in and nothing changes, vote out and they benefit even more.

The Tories aren't exactly setting the world on fire with their pro-Europe campaigning. It seems to be down to MPs of other persuasions, celebrities and business to make the case. Dave is doing his bit, but he's being constantly distracted and implicated to the point where Jeremy Corbyn is more trusted on Europe and Corbyn is a bit of a sceptic. But what if Dave has no real reason to fight? What if he knew back in January that his days were numbered? The MPs can talk him up and give him public backing, but it all seems a little false when the next minute the Out campaign are criticising their own party/government because of some Euro tragedy. It all seems to be stage managed to give subtly different appearances to whoever interprets it and all slightly negative.

The Out call the In campaign 'Project Fear' when in actual reality it is 'Project Fact'. The Out campaign seem to be basing their campaign on the fact that people will still trade with us wherever we are and that they'd be cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Um... France? They'll be the first in the queue to renegotiate and they'll be setting the price high or go away. Not one single Out campaigner has said categorically that prices won't rise. Ask your neighbour this - if you're £20 a week worse off for leaving the EU and there's just as many foreigners here, will voting out be worth it?

I can't reiterate this point enough (because it seems to be neglected in the coverage) - we have no guarantees whatsoever we're even going to be able to renegotiate the same terms we currently have, so to expect us to get stuff cheaper is ludicrous. Plus, consider this - we give Europe two fingers, how desperate are they going to be to deal with us at all? How confident are you that nothing will change, things will get cheaper and everyone will be happy again? Do you really believe Michael Gove when he says that £50billion of the money we won't be paying the EU will go to the NHS? Or will it go to the private companies who have taken over parts of the NHS?

The way the Tories are dividing up the country and selling off what's left; it won't matter if we're in or out for them. They will still clean up; so it could be they're doing what they hoped to do last May, but now with added incentives. That's a conspiracy theory that could have some weight.

The Casual Racist

My grandfather was a goldsmith and a Freeman of the City of London; and I believe he also made the Queen’s engagement ring or wedding ring – he made something important that got him that Freeman status. His political preferences were private; he belonged to a generation that didn’t discuss things such as sex, religion or politics publicly (and knowing how Victorian my family has been in the past probably not privately either), but that didn’t preclude him from discussing politics.

My gut feeling was that Harry Rodway was a socialist and voted Labour. I think his reluctance to talk about voting intentions stemmed from his workplace environment; goldsmiths were usually working class lads - like diamond miners are the least wealthy in their chain - but many had aspirations, because we should all have aspirations and they rubbed shoulders with the Hoi-poloi on a daily basis, because of the nature of their job.

One of my grandad’s sage-like opinions thrown at me when I was about 10 was that it didn’t matter who was in power they all took advantage of the poor. Some were less obvious about it, but it didn’t matter what year you were in you could always identify the repercussions to the working man before you could find anything else. My grandad used to say that it didn’t matter which chancellor was in #11 he’d always put money on fags and booze because the working man needed to know where his place was.

I remember when the MOT test was introduced, despite never having driven a car, he saw this as a direct attack on the pockets of the poor, because the poor were more likely to have a car that failed the test and I don’t care what political persuasion you are that is a difficult statement to argue with. Yes, you could say that people should aspire to own better, less troublesome motors, but we’re not talking ideology we’re talking reality and the reality is the poor simply can’t afford a better car. Therefore my grandad saw the MOT as an indirect tax directed at the poor.

My feeling is he would have felt the same way about the national lottery and probably would have wanted to see just how many winners would have been regarded as working class in his day. The thing about my grandad was he had these opinions but he didn’t have any ill feeling or disdain towards those better than him – that was how it was and it was up to him to make it better for himself and his family, if that was what he had to or wanted. Greed existed when he was young, but it wasn’t a vocational option.

I have always blamed Thatcher for how society is now, but in reality all she did was highlight some of the more restrained human traits; she might have helped destroy the concept of ‘community’ but she didn’t make people do this – it was a choice and one that appealed to the basest of human nature. What happened after Thatcher was far worse and for 13 years of it there was a ‘Labour’ government. Before and after the war, governments behaved like they had a reasonable duty of care for all the people who voted and while the Tories have always been the party of the better off they had socialist values – once you could vote Conservative without fear and also care about people.

Since the 1980s caring about other people, especially people you don’t or will never know, has become difficult and many people – of all political persuasions – are more concerned about their own lives than anyone else’s. The ‘I’m Alright Jack’ culture created by the City of London, which spread throughout the country faster than a zombie apocalypse had a far worse social effect – not only were people becoming dispassionate about neighbours and other humans, they were also getting to the position where they didn’t care what the governments did as long as… they were alright. Sell off everything? As long as I’m ok. Privatise the NHS? As long as I get what I need when I need it. Cut jobs? As long as it isn’t my job. This might seem harsh, but we want to prosper as well as survive; comfort is better than squalor.

But that isn’t the only reason why we have got to where we are. I like to blame Rupert Murdock for a lot of our problems and unlike Thatcher I can’t mitigate some of the blame. Before the Australian billionaire bought into the British press in the late 60s, our newspapers were indeed run by Tory peers or philanthropist peers or aristocrats. They covered politics 99% of the time as news and news didn’t warrant that much of an op.ed; rarely did you have campaigns as disingenuous as they are now. The media controls the way news is delivered and what is deemed worthy of exposure - it is growing more and more obvious especially when horrendous sanctions directed specifically at the poor and disenfranchised are overlooked in favour of the colour of Jeremy Corbyn’s tie or the size of Kim Kardassian’s arse and the reason behind this is the people don’t need to know about that serious politics stuff unless it’s to condemn it for wanting to change or, as recently we have seen, it highlights the true divisions between us and them.

Extreme politics doesn’t tend to wash in this country; it is a rare thing to see a large uprising of communists or fascists – these people exist, but are seriously outnumbered normal people trying to live normal lives who really have no interest in politics apart from when it affects them. What we have got is a growing amount of ‘allowable racism’ in the guise of nationalism and a reason for withdrawal from the EU. The Out brigade are doing a good job of manipulating the press to make it sound like the In party are orchestrating a campaign of fear, when, in reality, it is the Out brigade who are causing all the fear, because quite simply we know what it’s like to be in Europe, we have no idea what it would be like to be out of it, because this isn’t the 1970s and the world has changed considerably.

There is a degree of hypocrisy shown by people who are going to vote out because ‘there’s too many foreigners here already’, because most of them have never given a fig about people struggling to make it through a day let alone an entire parliament because of penalties aimed exclusively at those not in a position to fight them. They’re now concerned about ‘other’ people and that is through fear. Can you imagine what it must be like to be an EU migrant worker in this country? It sounds crazy, but it must be a little like living in Germany in the early 1930s and it’s mainly being driven by people over 40. The blatant and vile racism I’ve seen, just in small corners of the internet, is breathtaking if you have a shred of human kindness in your bodies.

Back in a time when our borders had just ‘opened’ up to other EU residents, I was working in Corby with young people, mainly unemployed, who essentially now blamed Polish immigrants for their lack of employment rather than Margaret Thatcher, who their parents and grandparents blamed. Yet, when put on the spot and either asked or be taken to one of these jobs being done by Poles, every single one would reply with a variant of ‘I’m not doing that for the money they pay.’ So, you need to ask yourself a serious question: if the unemployed don’t want to do the jobs the foreigners are doing, do you force them to do the work and would you feel comfortable and happy about a workforce doing jobs you depend on who don’t want to do the job? Do you enforce sanctions on these people if they don’t enjoy the work but have to do their jobs to the fullest of their capabilities or face penalties. Isn’t that a bit like beating the donkey with a variety of sticks while hiding the carrots away?

I remember a farmer in Lincolnshire speaking on the radio after UKIP won a number of council seats in towns heavily-populated by migrant workers. He was obviously a Tory and he was furious about peoples’ short-sightedness. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it was along the lines of, if you want to pay £5 for a punnet of strawberries in the summer then kick out all my migrant workers and force me to employ an army of disinterested kids who I have to pay a higher wage to without the reliability then kick them all out.

If you want a clear indication of how it is ludicrous to suggest prices won’t go up if we vote to come out of Europe it’s our farming industry; the people who put the vast array of foods on our tables who rely on good, hardworking foreigners who might not be more likely to stick a bogey in a pre-packed lasagne than a 17 year old yob from an underfunded council estate with a junkie mother and no hope, who has been told – this is your job, do it or you will have to depend on charity.

The Out brigade tell us about deals set up in the 1950s that we can resurrect or the fact that the EU will still want to deal with us because our business is sacrosanct and yet, answer me this, if coming out of Europe means we can negotiate trade deals better than we currently get, why isn’t the rest of the EU up in arms at the fact if they weren’t in this club they could get things cheaper – why even have this union if all it’s doing is skimming money from countries to sit around Strasbourg drinking beer and watching schnitzel cook? Because it’s like a big buyers club and the combined buying power of the EU means things will be cheaper; if we could negotiate any deal that would be anything close to that we’d still end up with food prices going up.

The reality is simple; most people aren’t really interested in the politics about the EU referendum and they’re not really interested in the mechanics, they just think it will magically stop the flow of foreigners coming over here, clogging up our system, flooding our schools and hospitals with unwanted additions. It’s not like these people don’t pay their taxes, you know? Unlike many of the people associated to the party that got elected into government, most foreigners contribute a damned sight more than some Tory peers. Yet we want to try and kick them all out, keep whatever respect we still have in Europe and expect people to want to trade with us under far better terms? Seriously, what planet is the Out brigade on?

As for my grandfather; it’s sad to say he was a casual racist, as most of my family are at times. He could have had a best friend who was Asian, yet would have called people Pakis or Nignogs without the faintest whiff of realisation. He probably would vote to come out, but he would have been astute enough to realise that there is more at stake than the belief that stopping foreigners will solve all the problems; he’d also be aware that a vote to come out will have its own brand of problems, ones we have no idea about.

Judging the Fancy Dress Costume Competition

We might have to save Dave's bacon...

It's not something that will sit well with people, especially people like me who have suffered from the austerity program, but the threat of something much worse looms.

If Britain votes to pull out of the EU, we'll end up with a far right wing led Tory party that will make Cameron and Osborne seem reasonable and almost benevolent. The reason we'll end up with that is not only will we be free of those pesky benefits of being in Europe, we'll also lose the PM and any chance of Gideon becoming the next PM. That looks like a brilliant idea; get rid of the Eton scumbags; except can you imagine a country run by Michael Gove, Theresa May and a PM who looks like a special needs albino dandelion and believe the welfare state is still far too bloated. Imagine a country without an NHS and the state pension abolished after a certain period, so that everyone in the country will either have to arrange a private pension or get nothing when they choose to retire, or never retire as the case will be.

That's probably where this Tory party will take us, but under Cameron and co that might not happen for another 10 years; under Boris, Gove and the wife of the 'owner' of G4S 'reforms' will happen much faster and anything that hasn't been privatised will be. This isn't me scaremongering, go and look at some of these people's speeches and their ideology, if you can be bothered, and see just how extreme some of them are.

I'll give you an example of how the world has changed in the last 15 years. Glenn Hoddle was sacked as England football team manager because his religious belief told him that disabled people could be sinners in a previous life. This was blown out of all proportion, Hoddle - a deeply religious man - was castigated by all sides and his career was effectively destroyed. The Tory party via their evil and Draconian Prove You Are Disabled charter is pretty much blaming the disabled for being disabled and charging their relatives with the sole responsibility of their care. In a world that should be civilised, people with limbs missing are being asked questions that suggest their inability to grow arms or legs back is their fault and not the government's or any of the 'tax' payers - which it isn't, but society does have a moral obligation to look after those who can't look after themselves, or are people suggesting we just leave the disabled to die in their own filth, ignored by people? Ian Duncan Smith would probably be called Hagbastard Thorngristle in a Dickens novel and be far more vile than any of Dickens's creations could ever have been.

The EU has protected us from the Tories persecuting everyone who doesn't have a chance. The only thing a vote to come out will do is allow them to 'legally' screw you over.

So, we need to support the man with a penchant for all things porcine; we need to keep him in power for a few more years at least. As abhorrent as that sounds, I'd rather have Dave than a seriously dangerous group of neo-Nazis that stand to his far right.

The sad thing about this is my own party should be strong and Corbyn should act like a PM - he might have, but we'll never see it. What Corbyn needs to do is hold Cameron to ransom; he needs to Francis Urquhart him and it might be Corbyn's honesty that prevents Labour from gaining much ground from this referendum.

Imagine what shocks it would cause if Jeremy stood up and said, "Do you know something, after much debate and 1000s of emails (from Rose, Nigel, Steve, Dawn...), I think Labour will side with the Brexit vote. We should leave the EU and go it alone." What it would do is totally galvanise the Brexit vote and tip the scales towards all the things I forecast; so why am I even suggesting it?

Imagine what would happen if Jeremy arranged a private meeting with Cameron - as he is allowed to as HMLotO - and said, "We have to come to some new understandings or Labour will back the Brexit. You have to ensure several, if not all, of my demands are met or you'll be out of work before I am." Dave could tell him to sod off, but this referendum is no longer just about our position in the world, it is about the battle for power of the Conservative party and about who will be in #10 a week/month after the result.

Labour could achieve some things - reversal of planned changes to boundaries; guarantees against tax credit cuts; getting the press to back off - heck Labour could take a truckload of demands and handle negotiations in a far more hard-nosed way than Cameron could ever imagine, but they probably won't and you have to ask yourself how someone who doesn't run the country and has no hope of running the country can work that one out but the people wanting to run the country haven't? This might have happened and Dave might be confident we'll stay in; but he doesn't look it and no one trusts polls any more.

This might be a time of scary uncertainty, but it's also a time for real serious politics; stuff like this is how deals for the benefit of good are often struck. Voting to come out of Europe, especially now doesn't make us safe, it makes us alone with no guaranteed allies. Honestly, do you think if Britain stuck two fingers up to the rest of Europe by reinforcing and expressing every xenophobe's disdain, that anywhere in Europe is going to be rushing to negotiation tables for anything? Really? You might say 'but they'll need us and our money' and you might be right; but I'll bet they wouldn't mind some of Russia's money, but they don't need it. Remember that - THEY DON'T NEED IT.